Saturday, 28 July 2007
There are many things on my mind. Suddenly i realise what i've gotten myself into. amidst the commitments and ministry, i was told to be careful lest i "burn out". even though my reply was that it would not happen to me, i cannot be certain. the only way is to seek God's help. as long as i do not deviate from my walk with Him, i can be sure He will see me through whatever He has planned for me. and after the year ends next May, i can say for sure that God has worked in my life, for i cannot do it alone. i cannot be involved in so many things and hope to do it by my own strength. even more so when it's God's ministry which i'm involved in. i'm not exactly sure what He has in store for me, but i'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. it's so weird, i don't know whether to look forward to the start of the school term or not. not that i'm afraid, but whether i'm ready for it or not. it's a weirdly exciting feeling for me. i guess i'm looking forward to school after all.
after talking to some of my friends, i'm reminded again of how blessed my life has been, even though many times i look at my life with disdain and disgust. my family is intact, they are "born again", i do not have extreme financial difficulty, i have the opportunity to go to school, to go to church, to serve in ministry. i do not face religious opposition from my family, i do not have any severe psychological setbacks. there are so many things in my life which i can thank God for, yet i do not give Him enough glory. i must make it a point to thank Him every moment of my life. the very fact that i can see the sun rise every day is already a blessing in itself! i thank God for giving me the opportunity to serve Him.
the issue of having a relationship with a girl has been bugging me for ages. after what i've been through, i guess it's God's way of teaching me about how i should live my life for Him. after listening to all the stuff about waiting for God's timing, about the master, mission, mate thing, i think it should be logical to just leave this aspect of my life to Him. but i just cannot help wondering about the whole issue. am i ready for a relationship? how do i know whether a particular girl is the one, or do i have the freedom to choose? i know it's not an issue of calvinism or arminianism, and i normally do not really put much thought about my future, but somehow after all the years i still cannot put this burden at His feet. i pray that God will enable me to surrender this aspect of my life to Him. who knows? maybe God plans for me to stay single, so that i can really devote my life to serving Him. =p
giving thanks at 22:49 :)
david chow en yuan